”Choosing Ourselves” - A Parent-Child Conversation Becomes A Memoir

"Choosing Ourselves" (https://choosingourselves.com/) is the most remarkable memoir that I have ever encountered.

Memoir writers whom I have heard discuss putting down on paper their recollection of events of their past lives and those who have been a part of it have feared that their friends and family members who appear in this published "life story" will react unfavorably to how they have been depicted and will claim that their own memories of what transpired is far different, and far more accurate then those of the author.

Left with a foreboding feeling that the words put on the page will strain or sever the relationship for those who they have loved most, the memoir writer faces a difficult decision: Finish the memoir, have it published and face rebellion and rejection, or just chuck the entire project into a physical and mental trash can.

I had the exceptional opportunity to hear Barbara Walker and her son, Jim Walker, Jr., co-authors of the memoir "Choosing Ourselves," along with Barbara's husband and Jim Jr.'s father, Jim Walker, Sr., read excerpts from the book during an hour-long presentation given on November 9, 2023 at the Cascade Manor retirement community in Eugene, Oregon where Barbara, Jim Sr. and I reside.

I learned that not only did writing the memoir together completely change the relationship between mother and son, bringing them closer to each other emotionally than they had been in years past, but that it was Jim Jr. who came up with the idea that they should jointly take a memoir writing class as a means of learning how to talk frankly to each other about the feelings each had held inside, largely undisclosed to the other, while Jim Jr. was growing up.

Questions each had about who was to blame for the deformity Jim Jr. had been born with and which required him to undergo what seemed like endless surgeries had never been answered. Was it Barbara's fault? Was it Jim Jr.'s? Or was it undeserved punishment meted out by God, if such an deity even existed?

The writing reflects both remarkable clarity and, especially in the case of Jim Jr.'s word, is poetically moving.

I have attended my fair share of author readings which I tend to find poorly paced and sleep-inducing.

But if the "Choosing Ourselves" reading had gone on from it's 7:00 pm start time until 7:00 am the following morning I would have stayed upright, awake and attentive in the not-entirely-comfortable chair in which I was seated.

The book is that good so if you have not already done, so be sure to listen to this podcast episode which is the audio track of the film I made of their book reading which I attended in person.